Top 10 ways to decline a wedding invitation
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Loading... - Paula Dawson
- 27 May 2022
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As the beautifully designed silk-cardstock invite drops through your door bearing the “Please join us to celebrate etc. etc.” summons, you can see your remaining bank balance turning red with anticipated embarrassment.
According to a survey conducted by THEVOW.ie, 35% of Irish attendees at weddings expect to spend €1000, and a further 15% said they’d expect to spend €800. The remaining cheapskates said they’d spend around €500.
It’s not just the cost of wedding gifts; couples always seem to get married on a Saturday when the choice of sport is unbelievable on the television.
So, forget spending quality time keeping your sofa warm watching United grasping victory from the jaws of defeat and sipping from a can of Tesco’s finest and cheapest larger.
Instead, you end up eating soggy chicken, listening to drunken speeches, and dancing with geriatric aunts.
It’s an awkward situation; you don’t want to attend, but how to get out of it?
The solution can be simple: choose one of our Machiavellian false excuses below, avoid the wedding party, and still keep your friends.
Well, keep some of your friends, maybe not the happy couple, their family, the officiating priest, the hotel management, or anyone else loosely connected with the nuptials.
Here are the ten ways to decline a wedding invitation. So, to misquote Shakespeare, “read on Macduff”, but don’t say you haven’t been warned.
10. Become an organ donor – one of the best ways to decline a wedding invitation
Honestly, who can argue with, “Oh my God, I’d love to come.
“But that’s the Saturday little Jimmy, you know the kid with the (make up some Latin-sounding medical condition), is scheduled for surgery. As I’m his closest blood type match, his doctors want me on standby.”
You can insert a few gentle sobs when you offer up this fake excuse here.
9. Get arrested in Prague – you know, these things just happen sometimes
These days, it seems to be de rigueur to hold the stag or hen night in Prague or some other far-flung exotic location.
OK, going to a hen or stag is also expensive, but at least it can be money well spent.
More importantly, at least you’re spending it solely on yourself, not buying pints for some long lost Culchie cousins.
No, our advice is to go on the stag, spend the money on cheap foreign beer, go to a lap-dance club, and have a bag of the local equivalent of curry chips.
Then, get into a fight with a few carefully chosen soft locals and get arrested.
Not as good as a Saturday night on the beer at home but with any luck, you’ll end up a guest of the Czech Republic for a few weeks.
The Czech Republic prison service is not generally known for its prisoner care, but at least you’ll miss the wedding.
8. The invisible friend excuse – you’ve just got a conflicting commitment, sorry
Everybody should go through life with an invisible friend. A friend whose non-existence is a closely guarded secret known only to you.
This non-existence friend can be used to get you out of all sorts of tasks and functions you might not want to attend.
You really should have one at this stage; if not, start inventing him or her straight away.
So, you get the invite and accept but on the wedding day, guess what? Paddy the Invisible is involved in a serious accident and in a coma, and sure you just have to be there.
You’ve found yourself in a tricky situation, so one can argue with this fake excuse! Read More…
