This is how you can set personal boundaries for your wellbeing
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Loading... - Michelle Reiner
- 30 Jan 2023
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The demands of work, personal relationships and the expectations of others can be overwhelming and exhausting. Clinical psychologist Loyiso Maqubela explains that drawing a line on what we are prepared to accept is important for our own self-respect and mental wellbeing.
“Setting boundaries is about the limits and rules we decide on in our relationships with others and this helps us to hold ourselves accountable for our own behaviour and happiness,” says Maqubela, who practises at Netcare Akeso Milnerton mental health facility.
“Having porous or no boundaries often invites a lack of respect from others and leads to feelings of being disrespected and mistreated. Many individuals who struggle to say ‘no’ may feel they are being taken advantage of, or continually find themselves getting involved in others’ problems, but setting healthy boundaries can help them break out of these destructive patterns.”
“We all have the right and the responsibility to let those around us know what we are comfortable with, what we can and can’t offer, and to show resistance when these lines are crossed.”
He emphasises that setting boundaries is not about trying to change another person’s behaviour. “Rather it is letting your needs and limits be known and should be a reciprocal process. Even if you don’t agree with another person’s boundaries, they can still be respected,” Maqubela says.
“People may struggle to set boundaries for various reasons, including how these boundaries were modelled to us in our upbringing. It is often uncomfortable to assert our boundaries when we are used to a certain pattern in our relationships, especially with authority figures and those who are closest to us. It is quite natural to feel a sense of guilt initially about pushing back.
“We may worry about how others will perceive and respond to it, and the resentment that may come from setting our boundaries. We don’t have control over how other people will feel, but we are all entitled to respect. This requires us to define what that means for us in the different spheres of life, while also recognising and appreciating others’ boundaries.”
Expert tips for setting boundaries and sticking to them:
1. Know what your priorities are, and what is a ‘nice to have in the moment’ when you are setting boundaries. This will help you focus on achieving what is most important for you. Read More…
