The Different Types Of Traffic Officers
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Loading... - Simon Akello
- 07 Apr 2022
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Afande 101: Uganda is a special country. It is the only country where nothing gets said directly. We speak in innuendos, we insinuate, we imply, we never use direct speech. We answer questions with questions. If you meet someone randomly, you express surprise saying, “kumbe you are also here!” It is these subtleties that define our relationships, our conversations.
To survive in Uganda, one must be aware of the unspoken, of the indirect. The biggest of all is one’s dealings with a Ugandan traffic officer. They come in different flavours. Some are smoky, some are bland, but yet, you never find anyone devoid of intention.
1. The passionate ones
No one teaches passion. You either have it, or you don’t. If you have had a chance to pass by the Kisaasi junction, you will come across passion in action. You will see a traffic officer who embodies passion. You must tread with caution when you meet these kinds. They do not compromise! If they forgive you, it is purely out of principle, with no strings attached. Do not dare these guys. If you find taxis adhering to the defined lanes, and not bypassing any rules, rest assured the passionate officers are on duty. Do not risk giving them some tea, they will throw it in your face and punish you with a big ticket. And for some reason, they always have rare names. Sometimes they will be named after days of the week; you will hear names such as ‘Sunday’ aka ‘Sande’, ‘Monday’ aka ‘Mande’.
2. The auditors
If you meet an auditor in the skin of a traffic police officer, only your ancestors can save you. Auditors start off the conversation with questions. “Can I have a look at your permit?” Once they realise that the permit is not expired, they then move to the next item on the agenda. They will scan it to confirm that there are no traffic fines attached to it. If you pass this stage, it is time to confirm your third party. If this too is fine, then it is time to confirm the brake lights are in perfect condition.
By this time, they will be running out of audit items. It is now time to audit your character. You could get fined for having intentions to speed. You could get fined for not smiling at the traffic officer. There is no way out with an auditor. When it comes to an auditor, there is only two things involved, you either pay at the bank or in person. The choice is always left in your hands.
In Uganda, there is a written rule about driving permits. You do not keep your driving permit in the wallet. You do not keep your permit in any place that gives any impression of money. As you pull out your permit from the wallet, the officer’s eyes will be gauging how high you can jump.
3. The emojis
When a traffic officer approaches you and all you see is nothing but an emoji, do not waste time. It is time to recount your haggling skills. Emojis will do their best to greet you by name. When a Ugandan traffic officer greets you by name, all they are asking is for you to speak their language. And Ugandan traffic officers have but one language; it is the language that is heard regardless of one’s tribe, one’s religion, one’s car type. Traffic officers will use different statements such as; “How have you left us?” “Do you have today’s newspapers?” “Vaayo gyoli” “Wesulisse” “Do you have another copy of your permit?”, “First come out of the car.” When a traffic officer asks you to come out of the car, it is to give you one last chance to redeem yourself by some rubbles. Read More...
