Is That His Only Move? 5 Different Times Satan Tried To Tempt Me To Sin With Just An Apple
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- 19 Oct 2022
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When Satan tempted Eve into eating the Forbidden Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, resulting in her and Adam’s banishment from the Garden of Eden, it was a game-changing sin. No one’s denying that. But, judging by how often he’s resorted to the Fruit Move since then, at least in my experience, it’s pretty clear the King Of Hell is a one-trick pony. Here are 5 different times Satan tried tempting me to sin with just an apple.
1. The time Satan used an apple to try to tempt me into committing adultery with a blood relative
My last Christmas was almost ruined by Satan’s really poor attempt to get me to have an affair with my own aunt. I was using the bathroom when the Devil, in the form of a serpent, suddenly appeared on a towel rack, and began whispering about how I ought to have an affair with my 73 year-old aunt. Obviously, I said, “absolutely not.” That’s when Satan shot me a knowing grin and said, “Ah, but what if there were a reward in it for you, say…an apple?” You could tell he genuinely thought this was a sly move, as if offering an apple was a trump card. At first, I was confused. I asked him if it was some sort of ‘special’ apple, or whatever, but all he said was that it tasted “very nice.” After a long, baffled pause, I said no again. He said, “Are you sure?” I just shook my head and went back to the party. Not that anything would tempt me to ruin my life by having sex with a much older relative…you’d just really think Satan could do better than an apple. I mean, he’s the Devil.
2. The time Satan used an apple to try to tempt me into murdering my whole family
I can respect that Satan caused the Fall of Man using just an apple, like, that was huge for him, I get it, but I truly think he took the wrong lesson away from that success. A few months back, I woke up to find an apple on my nightstand. It was a normal looking apple. I figured my wife might’ve left it for me, until Satan appeared on my dresser (in the form of a snake, yet again, clearly another crutch for him) and hissed, “That apple could be yours…for a price: the blood of your beloved and your children—kill them in my name, and you may taste an apple’s sweetness!” Again, I asked the Devil if it was a special apple or something. He shook his head no, still grinning all sinister-like, clearly convinced I was about to fall into this half-assed ‘trap.’ I just threw the apple in a wastebasket and left for work.
3. The time Satan used an apple to tempt me into saying the Lord’s name in vain (successfully)
For context, I was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic after a long, frustrating week at the office, and I’d skipped lunch that particular day. I was in a vulnerable state, which, to Satan’s credit, is a good time to trick someone into doing something, ‘cause sure enough, he popped up on my dashboard (yup, in snake form, which is not even mildly startling at this point, not even while driving). Before he could get a word in, I told him, “I want the apple, what’s your offer?” He smirked and hissed, “Take God’s name in vain” as if that was a mic drop sin or something. Without hesitation, I said, “God is crap.” Boom. Satan laughed and disappeared in a cloud of smoke, and an apple appeared in his place on my dashboard. It tasted like a normal apple. Nothing to write home about. If Satan wants to call that a successful temptation, good for him. I don’t care. I was starving, and I’m not even religious. Read More…
