Is it safe for parents to discuss their struggles with children?
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Loading... - Andwele Charles
- 17 Feb 2023
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Children need emotional and mental protection. Do not expose them to hard situations. How much to share with children, depends on many factors and parent ought to exercise their sense of judgment.
“You look depressed, dad, what is the problem?” he asked, as he leaned on my shoulder.
“I am fine, son,” I calmly responded. “Okay,” he responded quickly as he run away to play with his friends.
I did not tell him that I was worried about a few things coupled with the long tiresome journeys I had made lately, I was emotionally and physically spent. I wanted time alone.
Our children can figure out whether or not we are okay. Yes, we are their leaders and yes, we are strong, but if we put up a façade, they can look right through it. They know us, especially if they are of a certain age. So, do we care to admit? Is it, therefore, safe or sound to discuss our struggles with our children? Yes and No.
When their livelihood depends on your well-being
Admit to them you are not okay, when their livelihood depends on your well-being and they are likely to be affected if you are not at your best. For example, if it is something major or life-altering such as a parent suffering from a terminal illness, it is prudent to prepare them early for hospital visits and help them adjust their expectations.
“We knew from the doctor’s report that Robert would not live long. He had cancer. So he and I prepared the children for life after him. It was painful but we had to do it. Slowly and gradually we broached the subject and tactfully navigated it, until we arrived at the point where they understood exactly what we wanted them to know. By the time Robert passed on, we were all prepared. Yes, we cried but it was not a sudden loss.” Sarah says.
When they are of age
If they are of mature age, it pays to let them in on what is going on.
“Wasn’t it too much for the children, especially the young ones?” I asked Sarah in our short story above. “We had no choice but to involve them. We gave information that was appropriate for their age.
They would know eventually anyway, whether we hid it from them or not. It was safe for us both parents to provide those answers than to leave me alone to face them. And by the way, they offered good emotional support. We all together faced the situation and came through stronger.” Do not underestimate the capacity of your children to be emotionally intelligent. Give them an opportunity. Read More…
