How to Identify Your Core Needs In A Relationship
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Loading... - Beatrix Huber
- 04 Jul 2022
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We all start relationships because we need to love and be loved, to feel appreciated and safe. But these are not the only basic needs each person seeks in a romantic union. So, what are the rest of the valuable things?
The problem is that we can rarely formulate our core needs in a relationship because we never thought about them. As a result, we start dating a new person hoping they’ll make us feel good, but it never happens.
To avoid another romantic disappointment, you should start identifying your relationship needs. When you have a clear structure of your needs, you’ll find it much easier to gravitate to the right partners instead of wasting time on dead-end relationships.
So, how to know what’s right for you? Read on to find out.
Core Needs in a Relationship: What Are They?
Human needs can be categorized into several types, such as physical, financial, emotional, etc. However, the majority of relationship needs are psychological.
The basic ones include the following:
- Affection (romantic gestures, words of love, and sex)
- Respect (your opinion matters to the other person)
- Appreciation (receive gratitude and praise)
- Security (physical and emotional safety)
- Loyalty (partners are faithful to each other)
- Trust (transparency in all aspects of life)
You can also have a hierarchy of those concepts and decide which are fundamental and which are more or less flexible.
For example, trust and loyalty are your top priorities, and you want your partner to follow them. So, if someone lies to you or cheats, that’s a dealbreaker.
At the same time, you are used to speaking about your feelings but don’t mind that your partner doesn’t share much because they’re reserved or shy.
Essentially, each person has to determine their needs for themselves and look for a partner who has similar values.
Can Basic Relationship Needs Differ From Person to Person?
We all value similar things fundamental to building a lasting relationship, such as love, passion, support, etc. But do we appreciate them to the same extent?
Obviously, the answer is “no” because different people have their own hierarchy of needs. It means that one specific need, such as raising kids, can be not as important as emotional comfort in the couple for one person but be a priority to another.
What does it depend on? Studies show that the distribution of values primarily depends on age.[1] But there are other factors, such as family traditions, culture, education, social circle, and personal traits.
Even though core needs like support and compassion are present in every person’s belief system regarding healthy relationships, their importance may vary from one individual to another.
How to Determine Your Relationship Needs?
When you know your core needs, you can determine the people you want to engage with by consciously or unconsciously comparing your needs and the other person’s ability to meet them.
Without a clear value system, you can lose yourself in a relationship and do things you don’t enjoy.
But fear not. The following techniques will help you get on the right track with determining your core needs. Read More...
