Dating to Marry: Yes or No?
The ‘dating to marry’ is common in the Philippines as elders engraved in young people’s minds early on that marriage should always be their endgame. But, should young Filipino singles really date to marry?
Filipinos have mixed views on courtship and dating. To better understand this topic, let’s first talk about traditional and modern dating, and its nuances. After which, let’s also uncover the perks and downside of dating to marry—and why some may lean on that choice.
Traditional courtship vs. Modern dating
Time, character, preference, and experience say a lot about the many Filipinos’ dating styles. While some would prefer to go old school (with a ‘dating to marry’ mindset) any time of the day, many modern Filipinos tend to lean on contemporary dating techniques.
The Glaring Differences
Love is a universal language in the Philippines, with courtship as its traditional tool.
Courtship
If you’re more of an old school, you’ll feel right at home with Filipino’s traditional dating style: courtship. Although it’s more personal, it also takes a lot of work before finally getting a woman’s sweet “yes.”
Before, for a guy to woo a woman of his dreams, he had to serenade (harana) her, write love letters, recite poems, and serve her family for x number of weeks (paninilbihan). And, were to propose to her, pamamanhikan is the way to go. It’s basically a marriage proposal with the whole family is present—immediate and extended included.
Modern dating
Today, couples have become more intimate and lowkey. Men no longer need audiences to express their love for someone. Instead of harana, they now send phone recordings or share their Spotify playlist.
Emojis and long text messages also digitize love letters, while coffee shops have become the go-to spot for poetry performers. And, paninilbihan is entirely out of the picture.
Unlike before, when the family has a say on a young pair’s love affair from start to finish, parents are mostly only informed after the marriage proposal today. For most households, only the immediate family does the pamamanhikan.
Filipino’s Views and Values on Dating
Although many Filipino singles have become more outspoken and forward when it comes to dating, many still want to experience the thrill of old-style dating. There are still many with a ‘dating to marry’ attitude. So, it’s safe to say that Filipinos’ stand on dating is torn in half: between new and old. Read More..
