Can you bully your child out of bullying?
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Loading... - Jane Ferne
- 06 Mar 2021
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In our touchy-feely age, the bullied tend to hog all the sympathy. But they are not the only victims. What about the parents of bullies? What do you do if your child just-so-happens to be a fantastically successful apex predator of the schoolyard? If you are Virginia dad Bryan Thornhill, you make your 10-year-old son run in front of your car while videoing the whole thing for Facebook.
“Hey everyone, welcome to You Better Listen to Your Dad 2018,” is how Thornhill Sr kicks off his video, while a small boy with a big satchel jogs ahead. “My son has finally got in trouble on the bus enough to where he was kicked off the bus for three days because he was being a little bully, which I do not tolerate. Can’t stand.” The four-minute clip went viral, leaving many scratching their heads over where on earth Thornhill’s son could have picked up his bullying tendencies. But others sympathised with his no-nonsense approach. Was this a case of firm boundaries, or the archiac “wash your mouth out with soapy water” school of parenting?
Stuart Hannah, a child psychotherapist in Leeds, is relatively agnostic about the method. “The important thing is: did it work?” he says. “After the jogging to school, did the bullying stop? If we’re talking about a particularly menacing primary-school-age child who has a long history of disruptive behaviour, then frankly I’m not sure running to school will make much difference.”
Much bullying has its roots in the home, Hannah points out, often with a lack of attention. “Boys who aren’t academically strong will sometimes find that this is the best way to get noticed.” He suggests that “teaching empathy is the first line of defence. Empathy isn’t always obvious to small children. It’s the classic: ‘How do you think Johnny felt when you did that to him?’ Beyond that: model calmness. Model conflict resolution. Be self-aware and self-reflective.”
Thornhill says in his video that his son’s behaviour has improved since he began jogging. Let’s hope this is the case and that he isn’t inadvertently breeding a new, hyper-fit strain of bully.
